thinking about greece

i love greece. i really hope that one day the Lord lets me go back there again.

there were so many beautiful places there. but my favorite place was out on the roof of the church. there's an apartment above the sanctuary (which is where we stayed), and it opens out onto the roof... if you look real close you can see a couple people up there on the right, above the church's name.

anyways, you can't see it in the picture, but around the other side of the tower on the left, there was a little concrete landing where you could go and sit, and it looked over the whole square (the church was on this square called the platilla terpsithea). i went out there every morning for my q.t. before we'd leave for whatever was going on that day. it was just a real peaceful place for me.

the night we left greece, i went out there at like 2am and just sat and watched the cars and people below, for probably close to an hour. the funny thing was, i'd been sick the majority of the past 48 hours and had some different frustrations before that, and honestly was ready to be back in the states. but at 2am, i suddenly wanted to just stay on that roof forever.

there's a part of my heart still on that roof... still with those people... still 8 time zones away...

a worthless saying

whoever came up with the whole "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" didn't have a clue. or maybe they were just extremely naive.

it's been four months. some days i'm fine. other days it still stings, and i struggle to make sense of it without getting anywhere.

i guess it's a process. i just try my best to cling to the truth that sets me free.

thoughts from joyce

i went to a joyce meyer conference this weekend with the santuary of praise women's group (bea's church) and was super blessed by what she taught, and oh my goodness worship with darlene zschech & the hillsong band = amazing. anyways, just some notes of things that really struck me (joyce in italics, my extra comments plain)...

-it takes a lot of nerve to tell someone they're not hearing from God... if you have a feeling about what you're supposed to do and have prayed and tested it all you know how to, and there's no one who can show you it is directly against the word of God, you better follow what your heart is saying! that second part isn't word perfect, cause she said too much for me to remember exactly what she said and get it down... but this whole line of thought was the most impactful word from the weekend for me. the whole saturday message dealing with disapproval from people was so affirming to me and confirmed that i was following the Lord in the things that happened in august.

-statistic: 10% of people will not like you no matter what you do. enough said. no point in trying to please people before God.

-we tell in the light what we learned in the dark (matt 10:27)... the goal is not for me to understand what's happening to me right now, but to be able to understand what other people are going through later, because i've been there. goes back to the next top model chick... you can't have a testimony without a test.

-with opportunity comes opposition.

-we are not full of the Holy Spirit so we can just do easy stuff!

-john 5... Jesus didn't feel bad for the man who had laid beside the pool for 38 years waiting for a miracle, he told him to GET UP and clean up his mess (take your mat). be determined!

truth everywhere

i was watching america's next top model this afternoon when i should have been doing homework, and one of the girls on there said at some point "you can't have a testimony without a test." the truth behind that statement just really struck me, cause that's definitely been true in my life. to look at it from a christian standpoint, Jesus says straight up that we are going to have trials, and all through the bible it talks about how when you follow God, you are going to deal with suffering. but i think part of the reason for us going through stuff is that we get the chance to see how God keeps working in our lives in spite of our circumstances, and then it becomes a part of our testimony to talk about what has happened to us and what he's done. as joseph says to his brothers in genesis 50:20, "you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." God will use the hard times we go through to bring himself glory and minister to others through our testimony about what he's done. it was just cool to me to see yet another example of how there is his truth everywhere, even in shows on mtv, if you just look for it.

alone with only my thoughts as company

i can't sleep. for some reason this always seems to happen on nights when i have to get up at 6:30 for class the next morning.

if i had to describe my last couple of weeks in one word, it would be wrestling. if only i had a dollar for every time i've gone back and forth on the decisions i'm trying to make, my mom wouldn't be on my case about needing to get a job so i could make some money. why does everything have to be all about money anyways? whether they mean to or not, my parents put a lot of pressure on me to make decisions that will lead to being financially secure... in other words, what is safe.

what if i don't want safe? what if safe just sounds boring to me? what if i want more than a safe, average american life? when Jesus says to follow him, it never says anything about any part of that being safe. i don't like the idea of desk jobs, 'normal' jobs, 8-5 jobs. there's nothing wrong with any of that, and it's what he calls a lot of people to. i just really don't want that to be my whole life. i know that ministry will happen anywhere you let yourself be a part of it, including in an office or whatever else, but i just really have the desire to be a part of something more eternal than that. i don't want to reach the end of my life, look back on my career, and say "how much of this mattered for something that is real?"

i just keep on wrestling. i don't know what else to do when he's not giving me anything to point me one way or the other.

the blog comes alive

dear bern,

today your wildest dreams come true. well, maybe not, but here's the blog as you requested. you're welcome. i expect occasional comments if you really want to stalk me.

love, k-hud


in other news, i got home from church at ecf (sidenote- a-mazing, who knew such places existed in a town like mcgregor) and had my mom tell me that for lunch, they had spam salad sandwiches. imagine chicken salad, except with spam. now i'm one of those who actually likes spam, but spam salad is a little much... gross...

and that is all.