i can't sleep. for some reason this always seems to happen on nights when i have to get up at 6:30 for class the next morning.
if i had to describe my last couple of weeks in one word, it would be wrestling. if only i had a dollar for every time i've gone back and forth on the decisions i'm trying to make, my mom wouldn't be on my case about needing to get a job so i could make some money. why does everything have to be all about money anyways? whether they mean to or not, my parents put a lot of pressure on me to make decisions that will lead to being financially secure... in other words, what is safe.
what if i don't want safe? what if safe just sounds boring to me? what if i want more than a safe, average american life? when Jesus says to follow him, it never says anything about any part of that being safe. i don't like the idea of desk jobs, 'normal' jobs, 8-5 jobs. there's nothing wrong with any of that, and it's what he calls a lot of people to. i just really don't want that to be my whole life. i know that ministry will happen anywhere you let yourself be a part of it, including in an office or whatever else, but i just really have the desire to be a part of something more eternal than that. i don't want to reach the end of my life, look back on my career, and say "how much of this mattered for something that is real?"
i just keep on wrestling. i don't know what else to do when he's not giving me anything to point me one way or the other.
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Karen,
I understand. Lately my parents have been talking about where I will end up teaching once I graduate... but I haven't really mentioned to them that I'd like to teach in Guatemala for 2 years. It's through the "journeymen" and I would much rather do that than I would doing a job in a public school right now. Don't worry Karen, He'll provide. I'll be praying for you!!
~Krista
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